Why Write...

...when we can watch a video. Brilliant.

How to Tell When a Relationship is Over

Really?

*pause*
  *cocks head*
REALLY?

"It’s criminal to outlaw great sex, but several states still have long forgotten laws on the books that do just that. Alabama, Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, Utah, Virginia and Washington, D.C., consider giving or receiving oral sex a crime.

If you live in Georgia and are convicted of oral sex, you could be sentenced from one to 20 years in prison -- that’s pretty harsh.

Several states also make it illegal to have sex in any position other than missionary."

Peculiar Aristocratic Title

I'm torn between the two, although I think I opt for the former:

Christine

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Most Serene Highness Lady Christine the Surprised of Leighton in the Bucket Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Chris

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Excellency Chris the Tenuous of Wallop upon Deane Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Found at actionfigure.

Christmas Surprise

The other day I told Casey that this Christmas would hold no surprises since I knew what everyone was getting me (thanks to my Amazon Wish List). I stand corrected.

Mom and Casey actually talked about my surprise gift over Thanksgiving weekend. This afternoon I open a box to find a ... *drum roll* ... SEWING MACHINE. And not any sewing machine, but a computerized sewing machine. One that will help me take the guess work out of stitching and keep me on track.

Just so you know how appreciative I was of that surprise, mom captured my dance in picture form:

Safety-Schmafety!

My favorite -- Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab.

Radar: The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All time

That's Mr. Road-Raging Butt-Muncher to You!

As most of my friends already know, I have low tolerance for most drivers on the road. Their inconsiderate behavior irks me, leading my mouth to spew a stream of obsenties. And like most daily road ragers, I squawk my discontent from within the confines of my car. Immediate venting calms me so that I may move on with my day. This morning was no different.

Before heading off to work, I went to drop off Ollie at camp. Yes, my dog goes to camp. En-route, rather than putting in a 4-way stop, a rotary has been installed. It's common knowledge that when approaching a rotary:

Except where a traffic control device directs otherwise, the driver of a vehicle approaching or about to enter a rotary traffic circle or island shall yield the right of way to any vehicle already traveling on such circle or around such island.

Simple enough, right?

I had already entered the rotary, when I see a car approaching from my left. Without yielding, he pulls out in front of me, causing me to slam onto my brakes to avoid a collision. Expressing my fussiness, I send him a left-handed salute. Mr. Road-Raging Butt-Muncher didn't appreciate my action of discontent and proceeded to turn around in the rotary, literally. This man made a 180 where he was and drove in the the opposite direction to follow me out of my exit. Now if another car was unlucky enough to be in the rotary at the same time, that poor soul would have been hit by the butt-muncher.

At this point Ollies' ears were in extreme gremlin form and my heart was a-pounding. Rather than freak out, I obey all speed signs and signals, trying to get a read on his car. Unfortunately, he was so far up my backside, I could only make out his beat-red face. What really struck me as odd was that he seemed to be in such a rush, yet now he had the time to follow me for flipping him off for his mistake.

Curious.

The spirits were with me because as I turned onto the last road, he slowed down, pulled another 180 and drove away. I feel bad for the next driver he cut off in the rotary.

Of course, I did learn a lesson--don't salute, only hoot. This action is less likely to cause an already high-strung individual more agitation. And my dog will be more willing to get in the car with me next time he has camp.

HA!

Reading my favorite web comic, an explanation about penis-size:



Ten minutes later, I come across this article in BBC News:

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men

I had no idea

that this was even automotively possible:

Car Does 1 Million Miles, Retires to Museum

2 for 2

I believe Pappa mouse has been caught. Unlike Mr. Science Guy, I'm not too keen on inspecting dead rodents. It definitely looked bigger than yesterday's kill. I'm keeping positive thoughts that today was the last of them.

My Favorite WebComic

xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language holds up to its name. From a chuckle to full-blown knee-slapper LOLOL, I look forward to each one. For example:



... and ...

Nursing Mamma Found Dead

Time: Between 12am - 6am on 12/6/06
Location: Laundry Room
Method: Victor Mouse Trap

The pesky little buggah has been caught. Now we wait and see if the babies will perish and whether Pop will pick up where Mamma left off.

Since the summer we've had an on-again-off-again mouse problem. Initially they were finding their way into the house via the fireplace. Some steel wool, a few humane traps, and several weeks later, the mice disappeared. A few weeks ago, I noticed a bunch of droppings in the laundry room.

AAAHHHH!!!

Completely disgusted, I went on a cleaning spree and called Orkin. Between the time of my call and the arrival of an Orkin rep, I heard the critters in the wall, losing a bit of my sanity every day. The worst was hearing them in the kitchen. I have these horrible images of the mice chewing through the wall and pouring out, one by one -- like clowns exiting a car -- onto my counter tops and rummaging through anything that isn't sealed. I'm getting the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

These feelings stem back from when we lived in DC. It was spring, 2003. For about a month we heard scratching within our living-room wall. We told our landlords, they laid out the poison, the scratching stopped. But we soon discover that its death did not occur with the poison, by Mr. LandLord, in the boiler room. No, it was starvation.

The week of critters death I happened to be working on a biology project for school. Keep one plant in the sunlight, the other in darkness and report your results at various times throughout the week. I chose to keep my second plant in one of the bedroom closets. On day 2 I noticed an unpleasant odor in the air. By day 7 the stench was unbearable and when I went to retrieve my plant from the closet I nearly lost my lunch. Fearing what I would find, I waited for my man to come home and uncover the source. After a few minutes of convincing him the odor wasn't gas, he began cleaning out the closet.

M: "Holy Sh*t!"
F: "What?"
M: "I found the source"
F: *pause* "And..."
M: "It's a rat!"

I left the apartment.

Then, as luck would have it, we had another rat die in our apartment. This time under the kitchen floorboard AND in the middle of summer. We at out a lot that summer.

Mice aren't rats, but they're still foul. Last week Orkin visits, Orkin leaves and 4 days later the mice didn't fall for any of Orkin's traps (more humane traps at that). No more Ms. Lets-Be-Kind. This is all out war. Back at Home Depot, we purchase the ol' skool "snap-your-back" traps, added some cream cheese and *SNAP*! Let's see you outsmart this one, little buggah!

Keeping Busy

Down time at work comes on with a vengence. In order not to go completely bezonkers, which will easily begin by tomorrow morning, I've been entertaining myself with links such as Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke.

At first glance you're probably thinking, WTF? I know, I thought that too. Then I started reading the blog. It's great because his obsession with Marmaduke has him explaining the cartoon, which is funny on various levels.

At the rate I'm going today, I just may be back with some more goodies.

Mini-escape

Absolutely love this. Enjoy!

It's Back?

Back in January I cut myself off from my daily supply of caffeine. The first month was H.A.R.D. Migraines. Sleepless nights. The aroma of those flavourful beans calling me down Giant's aisle #5 "You know you want me. Buy me. BUY MEEEEEE!!!"

I prevailed.

That is, until a few weeks ago. Not sure what made me do it. I believe it was the drop in temperature and my need for a warm drink. There are alternatives like tea or hot cocoa. For me, drinking tea is like drinking mildly flavoured hot water. And hot cocoa. Eh. The sugar makes me crazy and the sugar-free hot cocoa .. well.. sucks, unless there's a shot of Bailey's thrown in. So went forth my massive "I need coffee" attack.

Luckily, my reprogramming helped me maintain some control. I knew I couldn't drink 100% caffeine (the outcome would NOT be pretty), so I opted for decaf. The day of my 'attack', I ended up on the interweb learning about decaf coffees: how much caffeine is in a cup of decaf (check out Nutrition Corner), and what processes are used to make decaf coffee (a good 'A' for 'Q' at Go Ask Alice). Because I knew I'd end up at a Starbucks, I analyzed their site in hopes to find information on its coffee/espresso caffeine content and what decaf process(es) are used. Fifteen minutes later, I am writing to the customer service department and received the following reply:

Dear Christine,

Thank you for contacting Starbucks Coffee Company.

While we are happy to supply this information we would like to emphasize that any absolute numbers reported on caffeine levels in Starbucks coffee do not necessarily reflect what one would receive in every cup of Starbucks coffee. There are many variables that contribute to caffeine content from cup to cup.

• Single (1 oz) shot of espresso: approximately 65 mg of caffeine
• Single (1 oz) shot of decaffeinated espresso: approximately 5-10 mg of caffeine
• Tall (12oz) cup of regular drip coffee: approximately 195 mg of caffeine
• Tall (12oz) cup of decaffeinated drip coffee: approximately 8-20 mg of caffeine

Starbucks uses two methods of decaffeination: the direct contact method and the Swiss water process. With direct contact, a solvent (methylene chloride) is introduced to the green coffee beans as they soak. The solvent bonds with the caffeine in the beans and removes it. The solvent is then taken away from the beans and the coffee is roasted at over 400*F. Since the solvent has a much lower boiling point (114*F) the coffee bean that come from this process produce a cup of coffee that has no detectable trace of methylene chloride.

The Swiss water process involves using hot water and steam to remove caffeine from the coffee. Then the solution is run through charcoal filters (similar to a giant water filter) to remove the caffeine. Currently our retail stores offer one coffee that is processed using the Swiss water method. It is called the Decaffeinated Komodo Dragon Blend.

Sincerely,
Rebecca R.
Customer Relations

Cool eh?

To the Starbucks I will go!

3 days into my decaf kick, my cravings vanished. That's it. No questions. No rationalizing. I was just ... done. Thank goodness I drank decaf because then I won't have to go through withdra.... ahhh sh*te! For 2 days my head ached non-stop. Ahhh... sweet, sweet withdrawal.

And now, I'm looking forward to experiencing that sweet sensation all over again. You know, Old Man Winter threw himself into our path, dropping the temps from 70 to 40, adding in a few strong 20mph winds, and suddenly I'm bluer than the western skies. I need some warm drink to keep the blood circulating. Hello Starbucks. One tall toasted decaf soy cappucino please. Mmmmm... warmth.

December Madness

buy. consume. Buy. Consume. BUy. CONSume. BUY! CONSUME!

Ok.

This year must be the first year I haven't lost my marbles about gifts. Usually I'm trying to figure out who wants what, or whether [insert name here] will like my gift, or "OMG! What if [name] doesn't like THIS gift. Then I better get/make another gift." and then 5 gifts later I force myself to stop buying/making things and instead opt to worry about said gift(s) until Christmas day. It has been a horrible scene, leaving me depressed and unable to enjoy a holiday I loved so much in the past.

What's made this year so different? Easy, I've decided not to make gifts for my family. It's taken me several years to realize that they don't apprecaite the gift making as much I as enjoy putting the effort into creating them. So this year I took their wish list, even if it meant getting measley gift certificates, and became a consumer-drone.

Although, the gift-buying process wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, just for the simple fact that I didn't have to put any of the purchases on my credit card. I had a complete re-wiring in my hardware that somehow enabled me to save up enough to not freak out about cost. Knowing I don't owe $$ with $$$$$$ interest afterwards is very gratifying. I actually enjoyed shopping!

Most of that enjoyment came from shopping online. No crowds. No uncertainty about which store still has a particular item in stock. No angry drones. No testy sale clerks. Just me and my Mac. If every holiday could be this relaxing.

The best part is that I'm almost done. Total shopping time: maybe 4 hours (including searching for bargains). Awesome. And if time permits I might make a little something for the family so I can capture that "oh. um. thanks" expression. It wouldn't be Christmas with out it.